you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
