And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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