i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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