I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
