Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish you could order shots online.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
