you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
