..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
