I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
