You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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