I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
