I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
