Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
