I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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