I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
