The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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