The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
