We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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