do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
