Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
