We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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