found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
