I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
