Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
