I wish life had little blips of pornography
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
