I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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