dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Enjoy the penises
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
