Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
