i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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