You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
