you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
