it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My cat gives me a boner
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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