Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
