We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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