I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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