At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
