Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
