two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
