return my video game
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
