One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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