I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
one might say we're banned from that church
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
