I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
