Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
