Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
