You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
