Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
