Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
