I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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