Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
