i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't put those talents on a resume
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
