i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
